Dating a clueless man

25-Aug-2016 17:26

There are many women who—whether by choice, distraction, or late blooming—do not fall into this serial-dating norm and worry that their lack of experience might prove detrimental to finding lasting love in the future. Women in their mid-20s who don’t have a laundry list of ex-loves, or the nasty scars that come with it, are not behind the curve. Contrary to the assumptions of my nervous dates, I didn’t start writing about relationships because I had a little black book with a “blank space” that still needed to be filled.

In fact, I really haven’t had very many relationships at all.

I’m not advocating to swear off dating until we are all fully grown dating-savvy adults—for most men that would be somewhere around the age of 35 and that hardly seems fair.But I didn’t need a long queue of suitors to figure out what to look for and how to be in a relationship.The psychological definition of the word is “to make (attitudes or behavior) part of one’s nature by learning or unconscious assimilation.” But the pressure to date often has atrophied this ability to internalize the data we gather about ourselves and about love.Beginning our dating careers as wide-eyed adolescents, equipped with only the desire to love and be loved and raging hormones, we throw ourselves into one “relationship” and on to the next.And for many of us, this pattern continues into adulthood with very few breaks in between.

I’m not advocating to swear off dating until we are all fully grown dating-savvy adults—for most men that would be somewhere around the age of 35 and that hardly seems fair.

But I didn’t need a long queue of suitors to figure out what to look for and how to be in a relationship.

The psychological definition of the word is “to make (attitudes or behavior) part of one’s nature by learning or unconscious assimilation.” But the pressure to date often has atrophied this ability to internalize the data we gather about ourselves and about love.

Beginning our dating careers as wide-eyed adolescents, equipped with only the desire to love and be loved and raging hormones, we throw ourselves into one “relationship” and on to the next.

And for many of us, this pattern continues into adulthood with very few breaks in between.

Maybe it's time to appreciate being a little more thoughtful, and a little less frantic.