Validatingyou com

26-Sep-2014 23:14

When I say, "You know Mama's going to be home soon, right?

" I'm also saying, "You should not feel sad." While my impulse may be kind, it's actually dismissive. When I stopped "fixing it" and participated in his world, I let him feel that I truly understood his feelings.

Often, the fewer words from you, the better, especially when someone needs to talk and they are both willing and able.

" I suspect he heard my effort to minimize his feelings: "GO Away Daddy. Again, part of me felt rejected and wanted to go away.

Feelings are real, even when the causes don't make sense to another person.

This I believe is a sign of not only high EQ but of wisdom. "I want Mama," sulked Max, somehow accusing me for being the wrong parent.Sometimes it means being patient when the other person is not ready to talk. I felt very sad for the boy but I wasn't sure how to handle the situation. Sometimes when Max wakes up from his naps, he's sad -- especially when his mama isn't home.Most of us truly want to help other people, but often we don't know how, or we try too hard and we start giving advice, as our parents did to us. Since Patty often uses naptime for her work, I've struggled to keep wakeup time from being a descent into wailing.Instead, I chose to speak to the want that Max was expressing.I sat down on his bed and said, "I really miss her too.

This I believe is a sign of not only high EQ but of wisdom. "I want Mama," sulked Max, somehow accusing me for being the wrong parent.

Sometimes it means being patient when the other person is not ready to talk. I felt very sad for the boy but I wasn't sure how to handle the situation. Sometimes when Max wakes up from his naps, he's sad -- especially when his mama isn't home.

Most of us truly want to help other people, but often we don't know how, or we try too hard and we start giving advice, as our parents did to us. Since Patty often uses naptime for her work, I've struggled to keep wakeup time from being a descent into wailing.

Instead, I chose to speak to the want that Max was expressing.

I sat down on his bed and said, "I really miss her too.

In the end, he knew I understood, and that let him move on.